You guys, I am so excited. I just found out I’m rich. I just got an email telling me that any financial worries I might’ve had can now be put to rest.  Take at look at my good luck:

Dear Friend, (it’s so nice of you to call me a friend when we’ve never even met before!!!)

With due respect, trust and humility (wow!  what an awesome guy!), I write you this proposal which I believe, would be of great interest to you and for your consideration, I also apologize for intruding into your private email address because I know that this e-mail will come to you as a surprise but however strange or surprising this contact might seem to you as we have not met personally or had any dealings in the past, to this infect, I humbly ask that you take due consideration of its importance.(well, yeah, it did sorta piss me off that you emailed me and I didn’t know who you were AT FIRST, but then you got all nice and apologetic and humble about it and well let’s face it – I’m a softy and love politeness!  Now it’s like we are old friends who drink together and share money and important personal data with one another!) Let me introduce myself, My name is Mr. Rees Vivian Paul, a former merchant in Tokyo , Japan.(I totally thought this was gonna say in Venice.  I would’ve been suspicious.  But Tokyo convinced me that you are legit.)I have been diagnosed with prostate and esophageal cancer. My diagnoses was given very late due to lack of symptoms.  (Wow.  That SUCKS.  So they just came on all of a sudden and you didn’t know and then, like, the first thing you did was email little ol’ me???  HONORED.  Also – your doctors suck at being doctors.)

I am currently living in London, England, where I have been given all possible treatment. (and the doctors apparently don’t know what cancer looks like) Unfortunately, my doctors have just confirmed that the treatment has been unsuccessful. (Wow.  That must’ve been awkward.  I hope you let them have it.)  I have been given only several weeks left to live according to these medical experts. (EXPERTS???  Dude, they didn’t know you had cancer in your throat and your rear end!)  I am searching for someone reliable and trustworthy that will use my fortune ($46,200 Million dollars) for the less privileged. (My fortune is at present held with a bank in the uk)  (Holy Crap.  Did you just say $46, 200 Million dollars???  I don’t even know how much that is but it sounds like more than the eleventy billion dollars my daughter offered me this morning if I would buy her Fruity Pebbles next time I go to the store.  YOU WIN!)

I am seeking a godly person whom is god fearing (it’s like you already know me) who will help me to utilize my money to fund churches, orphanages and widows, propagating the word of God and to ensure that the house of God is maintained. (The ONLY things I love more than churches and orphanages are widows.  This is so fortuitous!)  The Bible made us to understand that Blessed is the hand that giveth.I am intrested in donating some of the money to Port-au-Prince Haiti regarding the earthquake disaster that led over 174,000 people dead in Haiti Aceh province.  (I know you’re sick and all, but you should use spell-check when you send out emails about $46,200 Million dollars.  And okay I’m down with helping Haiti.)

I realise I making a bold decision. I have come to this conclusion as I do not have any children or relatives that will inherit my money.  (You’re alone?  That’s weird.  You seem so nice.  And I’ll bet you are a handsome devil.) I do not want this money to be used in an ungodly manner.I am not afraid of death as I know where I am going.  (Ha.  So do I.)  I ask you and your church/Mosque to pray for me because the lord is my shephard. (I don’t go to a church/Mosque, but occasionally I hit Dunkin’ Donuts on Sundays.  That cool?)  Hence, I am seeking a trust-worthy person who is able to help me carry out this great task. (PICK ME!!!) Now that my health has deteriorated I am unable do this my self anymore. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. (Totally.) Whoever wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and truth. Please always be prayerful throughout your life. Any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing for a church or christian individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein.  (Dude, look.  I already told you I love orphans and churches and widows.  You can trust me.  I am ON IT.  Your $46, 200 Million dollars is safe with me.  I will build those churches for worship and I will build those castles for orphans and I will take care of those widows!!!  I’m thinking of taking them all on a cruise!!!)

I am hoping to hear from you. Please check youremail often as i will reply to you very fast.

Warm Greetings from,
Rees Vivian Paul

DON’T YOU WISH YOU WERE RICH LIKE ME???

What would you do with $46,200 Million dollars???

Jeff